YB says

In retrospect, I feel like I just have been running running running and running until I decided to settle down and have a family for the past 15 years. And even then, I didn't realize how much marriage meant that I slow down my life. And, now, I am faced with the wall, the wall that makes me feel like I see no point of running so hard for the past 15 years just so that I can be a stay at home pregnant wife. If I had to make sense out of it, I at least can speak English and know the culture enough to be able to communicate and understand my husband. But, even this, if our marriage were meant to be a divine appointment, it didn't have to involve my fast past running life for 15 years. I could have maintained GPA 1.9 in high school and still would have been able to communicate with my husband.

So, I asked myself. I couldn't help it. I, by nature, spend copious amount of time in my head thinking about the Lord knows what. Where am I gonna go from here? What happened to me? What about the painful toil that I put into in grad school and college?

To answer my questions, my husband once said that I should live a life with him as we start a family together. OK. I get that "starting a family together" part. But, I am not quiet sure what it means to live "a life together with him" part.

So, I have been googling phrases like, "stay at home mom", INTJ mom, etc. Google is my trustworthy friend who has answers for pretty much everything. At least, I found it to be TRUTH and SALT when in academia. But to my demise, it didn't take a second to figure out that the epic failed.

Then, I recently found blogs written by a few South Korean women who just got married to American men. Some were oddly silly, but others were very thought provoking. And, there was one that talked about how difficult it's been to be married to an American husband. Her article is primarily pessimistic and somewhat misguiding to many readers in South Korea who dream about an American prince charming to come and rescue them, though I did feel her pain of the challenges that she faced as a foreigner and a newlywed.

I was rather angry than felt sympathetic to her life full of tribulations. I can forgive a prostitute, but I can't forgive someone who pretends to know it all when she doesn't. The woman, therefore, committed a detrimental sin to me by giving an advice to young Korean single women about international marriage to an American man as if she got it all, hands down, about living a life in America in a year.

Burst with a passion to guide the readers to the correct path ( well, at least, I lived in the States for 15 years, not a year), I began writing my heart out. I should say that I am thankful that I lost the first draft as my computer decided to shut down without even warning me that it would. I took it as a divine sign that "IF YOU SEND THIS OUT TO KOREAN PUBLIC, PEOPLE WILL GET A HEART-ATTACK, OR ELSE THEY WILL TAKE YOU DOWN WITH WONDERFUL COMMENTS SO THAT YOU'LL GET A HEART-ATTACK ."

So, I began another draft . Only this time, I came down for about fifteen thousand level, so it didn't sound as offensive as my first draft did.

On my second draft, I offered some solutions as to what to expect from a marriage with an American guy, life in the U.S., etc. For whatever reason, it gave me sense of fulfillment that I haven't felt for the longest time.

But, the question remains for me. Where did that sense of fulfillment precisely come from? Is it the online interaction or is it my ability to offer a solution/tips to others?

YB says ( ultrasound day week 11)

Today, JD and I finally got a chance to see Baby Dale with our own eyes. Frankly, I feel suspicious about whether I am really pregnant or not up until this afternoon that I first saw Baby Dale inside of me. As soon as I saw baby Dale, I was like,

" Awww, I am REALLY pregnant."

After that, I didn't now what I should be thinking or feeling. The heart beat didn't do much for me because I can never tell if it is real or if it is a random electronic sound that came from the machine.

Meanwhile, it seems like JD's entire life's changed. He said things like,

" I feel like something inside of me just changed."

" Can you believe we are pregnant?"

"Hi Baby Dale ( as he was rubbing my tummy)"

" I couldn't possibly have a bad day especially after seeing our baby."

" I am gonna put this picture ( ultrasound picture of Baby Dale) and put it on my switcher ( where JD pretty much treats like his desk). And I am gonna look at it to remind myself why I am working so hard."

Honestly, I have to say there were moments in the past that I worried whether JD will be a good Daddy. These moments included when 1) He was complaining about why guys at his work would come to work, bring the picture of their children, and talk about them for hours in front of other people ( He was telling me how he could be careless about the pictures of their children); 2) He got often ( I mean OFTEN) angry at kids that are just being kids on the street and other public places-- they were testing JD's patience even though whatever the issue that the kids were being kids about has nothing to do with JD ; and 3) OTHERS ( I just can't recall).

Well, that changed today. I think JD, in my humble opinion, is going to be a daddy who is gonna play with Barbie and drink tea with Baby Dale ( if baby dale is a girl).

If Baby Dale is a boy, JD will do..... I don't know what boy's activities they have. so I can't talk about this, but you get my point.

YB says

JD is working late two nights in a row. I am here after sleeping a half of my day away today. Susanna, blessed her heart, emailed me and asked me how I was feeling. I told her that I think I am sleeping way too much, but she told me not to worry about that.

Well, Well, Well..

I have been up for about two hours. I just got back from the grocery to pick up some milk. I was planning on baking bread tonight, but I can't get myself off of the couch. My butt wants to sit here still on the couch for I don't know how much longer.

I thought pregnancy is supposed to be all fun and more fun. I imagine myself to feel great and look great in a pink dress with a belly showing. ( Or at least, this is how I understood when I watched T.V.--- another false reality).

Well, yesterday, I went for swimming for about 30 min. ( 30 minutes, not 3 hours), and I have been out of commission for the rest of the day today because of that.

I want to be thankful for the time being that I can make all the excuses in the world about napping and eating. But, for the time being, I can't help but feeling "h.e.l.p.l.e.s.s.

JD Checks In...literally

For the first time since we've been married YB and I are apart. I am on business working on a contingency concept show for work. The details of the day are pretty regular...flight was good, lunch with coworkers, started setting up, not hungry for dinner and thankful our first stop after breaking for the day was the hotel because I was neither hungry for, nor in any mood to go to, dinner. I walked into the hotel room after checking in and thought to myself, "Okay, what now?" YB is working tonight so it's not like I wouldn't have part of the night alone anyway, but still...I'm not a fan of TV so much anymore and I miss my wife. I hope she's doing well.

Only a few more days.

YB says

I have a few minutes before I need to start heading out to work. I don't know how JD feels, but I really enjoyed last week solely because I had so much work to do. You might think i am weirdo, but I don't care. For the past few week, I finally feel like I can live and breathe through the challenges to finish my workloads that was given in front of me. I was stressed here and there, but even that felt precious because it has been so long that I ever had to fee like I am constantly going after something to accomplish my goal. It's nice to have a few minutes to relax, but I wish that moment of full schedule comes back to me.

Having said that, I really hope that I can get a job as a PI. I just submitted my fingerprint application to Richmond and now I am waiting for them to register the information online. Then, I can apply for PI card and finally call the instructor for any job opportunities.

I am really excited about working as a PI. I am not sure what may be ahead of this career path, but i have been dreaming of a life of Charlie's angels. HAHAHAHA. A cool BMW moto-cycle, A fancy computer, weapons, cool clothes, what not. hahahaha.

Enough for dreaming. I just want a job that brings me a sense of accomplishment and enough wages.

JD Resurfaces

Well it's Sunday. I just got home from church. It's the first time I've gone to church alone in over a year. YB didn't go because she is out taking a test to finish a course for a new line of work. I've got at least an hour to kill before beginning to listen for my phone to ring. How many ways can you spell busy? Since the beginning of September I've had three freelance gigs, one major remote production at work, a week of daily special productions, another week of major special productions, three or four callbacks and a turnaround issue involving stubborn equipment. And that's just work.

Don't get me wrong, it's good to be busy, but I can't wait for YB to get home. We are going to go out and have fun because it's been way too long since either of us has really relaxed.

YB says

It's Friday today. I got one more article to go, but I kinda want to just slack off. I don't know what I did for the past five days. The only thing I remember was working at a restaurant scooping hummus and answering and begging takeout orders. But, four days of working at restaurant was enough to work me to death.

So, I just registered for the PI class yesterday, and I am really really excited. It gives me hope that it won't be long until I can quit scooping hummus and dealing with the grungy customers ( esp. those Middle Easterners and Indians who literally believe that someone like me who work at a restaurant is eternally belong to the second class therefore treat me accordingly).

I am sorry. I hate working at a restaurant. Whoever told me that working at a restaurant is not a bad idea is a liar. I thought anybody can handle all menial jobs at anytime and any place, but I don't think that is true anymore, either. For certain people with a certain personality, working at a restaurant is a torture with the boredom and forced socialization with others who do not understand the significance behind U.S. Constitution and civil rights.

But, I learned a lot about people and how to be around them. I now can carry small talks and smile at people with painfully annoying personalities. I also think I can handle people on a superficial level.

So, help me God and get me please get outta HERE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

JD checks in.

Well, the process for securing a home loan continues as well as the search for something we can afford. It's amazing to me how a few years ago I would have thought this process wasn't moving fast enough and just needs to be plowed through. Now I'm taking the "Let's see what we can get done this week" path, setting goals for the week. Last Friday my goal was to find our top end as far as what we could afford. It didn't actually happen until Monday or Tuesday this past week. Next week YB and I are going to sit down with the bank agent and go over some stuff. We've already driven past a few places, one of which we loved but was sold August 31. Darn. I suppose that happens when looking around. Anyway, we're stoked. There's no other way around it.

In other news, I'm going to be TD'ing my first NASCAR race tomorrow. That should be fun. A nice 10 to 12 hour day.

JD says

For various reasons I am busy and excited. Freelance season starts up again this Saturday, there was YB's post a few posts back, and in a little while I'll be off to the bank to talk about buying a home. No, we don't have one picked out yet, but after a little research to satisfy some curiosity YB and I decided we should look into what we can play with.

That's all I have for now. ttfn.

I didn't get anything done today.

I am not happy about that. ( although I made 16.00 tonight, that doesn't make me feel better).

Today, I have been distracted by a lot of stuff like pregnancy, ovulation, what are the symptoms?

I don't think I am pregnant, but i feel so tired. And I am not happy that i slept till 12:00 pm.

I want my energy back.

JD writes...

I have a few minutes to kill so I thought I'd check out the ol' blog...you know, see if YB wrote anything since my last update in June.

Yeah.

In a few minutes I'll be heading out with Stan to a meeting regarding freelance work at a local college. Last year I freelanced at this college, TDing and camera shading various home football and basketball games. Through that work God super provided for YB and I allowing us to make timely payments on our loans for a huge chunk of the year and He's at it again. I can't write everything down because of time, but I am continually amazed at how He works. I mean no matter how many times we get out of the boat and walk on the water toward Jesus, see the waves, start sinking and cry out to Him, He still reaches down and lifts us up.

Anyway, I gotta go.

YB says

I think everyone is afraid of feeling stuck in their lives. I feel stuck when I see my paycheck and rating that does not show substantial changes on a daily basis.

I was talking to two of my friends from Lynchburg and PA, and they said the same thing about feeling stuck.

Meanwhile, JD and I have at least one thing to tell each other that we are actually moving on to the next stage of our lives.

WE NO LONGER ARE PREVENTING GOD'S WILL TO GIVE US A CHILD

;)

I like babies. And, I have always been excited about getting pregnant even before I met JD. When I used to be a liberal and not very Christian--ish, I even thought about going to "Da bank" so I can have my own child as a single woman with no ring on my finger. I thought it eliminated the process of finding a husband, and I can start my own family without worrying about asking another human being whether he is on board or not. ( well, it was before when I actually understood God's design for marriage and family, so go figure). I think that shows how much I am on board with being pregnant and raising a child.

JD, on the other hand, is only recently showing an interest in entering into the fatherhood, putting few months of reluctance behind. his lines generally went like this:

I want to be able to provide for you and our children.

I don't want to another JD running around the house.

The world does not need another JD.

To which, my response was always consistently "silence," meaning, it's no worth of my breath to respond.

But, we are putting that past of reluctance and contemplation behind us.

Are we pregnant? Noooooooooooo. But, we are one step close to "being pregnant" And, that REALLY excites me ( i think JD is too, but not sure) because not taking the pill everyday itself is a REAL change that brings an anticipation that I may be pregnant any time soon :p

Haha. well, you know, Obama said change is good. lol.

Obama said.. lol!!!!!!

YB says

Three lines of politically correct statements that you can use working at any restaurant in the United States:

Awwwwww....

I am sorry

Is there anything I can do for you?

You don't even have to listen to their stories. You just gotta pretend you are.

YB SAYS

This morning, I noticed something about myself.

I used to be so easily annoyed by a lot of people but their downfalls don't annoy me as much as they used to anymore.

I think God put me in that Lebanese restaurant to shape my character and learn some social skill. And, it's been working. Ever since that incident, I can overlook a lot of things in people. haha.

Frankly, I know I can be very difficult to be around because I have zero tolerations for a lot of people who annoy me in different ways. And, I am REALLY transparent. It's so obvious for anyone to pick it up if I am in the bad mood. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but whatever.

YB says

I finally figure out why working at Lebanese restaurant has been so stressful.

I have a co-worker who is Lebanese and 20 years old who expects anyone to know how she feels without telling them how she feels.

She also one time asked me to chip in some $$$$ b/c it was another co-worker's birthday. And she also said that "only if you want."..... ( as if that's not supposed to give me any pressure).

I am gonna ask other people to....

And she had $10.00 in the envelope.

She was serious and wasn't trying to mess with me. I mean she didn't see anything wrong with giving money for the co-worker's bday. ( No, the co-worker wasn't getting married nor graduating from high school; and she ain't related to any of us what so ever).

I have another co-worker who is Columbian who is bossy and likes to tell other people what to do and who doesn't see anything wrong with asking a customer what nationality the customer was in. ( I thought it was REALLY rude, but the girl was so proud of herself having a guts to ask the customer that question).

I frequently run into customers who are from Africa and grab the plastic bags without telling me or asking me if they could. ( And, she doesn't see anything wrong with that)

I sometimes have a Chinese customer who evidently thinks that she is the goddess and doesn't mind giving people order as if we are her servants.

We sometimes run into customers from Middle East who leave .76 cents for tips when they had $42.00 worth of meal. Again, they do not see anything wrong with the picture.

I feel like I constantly am run over by these customers with different cultural standards. And if I try to explain why it's not o.k. to do the things they do here in the U.S., they are more than likely to hold that against me or any others for that matter. ( even though this is America).

JD recounts...

...last weekend.

What can I say? My my parents have made infamous the weekend warrior trip (WWT). This is the trip you look forward to taking because you get to go somewhere and would enjoy infinitely more if you could actually spend more time visiting than a day or two. My parents version of the WWT consists of driving 8 to 12 hours driving on a Friday night or Saturday to where my brother or I live, turning around Sunday to make the trip back in time for work on Monday. My version consists of flying if my destination is farther than a six hour drive.

Last weekend YB's sister, SB, graduated from college. It's a long story as to why, but my vacation time allowance and vacation plans would not allow YB and I to visit for more than the weekend. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but seeing as how YB and I live on the east coast and SB lives on the west in Seattle, it was a tremendous undertaking.

The cliff notes version of our WWT consisted of catching a delayed flight, delayed at the gate, delayed departing, causing us to miss our connection and forcing us to get the airline to pay for a hotel overnight after getting put on the first flight to Seattle the next morning. We arrive at 10:30ish am the next morning with three hours to the ceremonies to get the rental car, find our hotel, freshen up and show up late (which wasn't a problem as the ceremonies were three to four hours long). After the ceremonies we hung around with the SBs friends for a little while and then decided that it was time to head out to dinner. Dinner was amazing. Too bad I didn't get a picture. It was a seafood place down on the wharf I believe. Our table was out on the deck looking out on the sound where we could watch the ferries go back and forth. About nine or 10 we said our goodbyes to the fam, brought SB back to her place and headed back to hotel (which was just down the street from the Space Needle...so cool!). Sunday morning at 10:40 found us on our plane back to the east coast where we arrived without issue after 11pm.

The trip was not worthless. Though it was fast and packed I will never forget those memories. There's something about being there on the important days for your family that is worth it for reasons words cannot express. So SB, our prayers are with you as you head back home and we cannot wait to see you again hopefully next year when we visit you there. Pursue God with everything you've got, follow Him.

JD says...

The air conditioner is keeping it cool and dry inside in these wee hours of Sunday morning. With her workday over and few episodes of 24 Season 6 under our belt, YB is completely passed out as I debate moving her from our sofa bed to bed bed where she'll hopefully be more comfortable. What is happiness? I think this is it.

JD says...

YB is at work today so I've been keeping busy around the house...you know, the normal stuff a guy does on a Saturday when his wife is at work. Did some budget stuff, doing some laundry, some dishes, all after having hit three buckets of golf balls at the driving range. I also managed to find a program that would let me view the video a friend took of our wedding last year. It was sad to find the video so dark. So now that you know the dishes are going, the washer is going and a DVD of Ratatouille is playing I'll get to the point.

A year and a half or two years ago I moved YB and I onto a family cell plan with Alltel. We had both been with Verizon. YB was paying way too much and I couldn't get reception when I was at work. Alltel gave us a better plan for less money and I could get reception at work. Not only that, but I looked into which towers would be kept on and which would be shut off after the Verizon/Alltel merger completed and found that Verizon would keep the tower responsible for the good reception and the world would be a happy place. Well, lo' and behold, that tower got shut off and now our contract with Verizon is up again and, in a way, we're back where we started two years ago. I no longer get good reception where I work and so am basically paying for a service I can't use for a chunk of the day.

To me, this is unexceptable. $100 for two lines, one of which can't be used during the day, is a lot of money to throw away. So in response to this conundrum I decided to shop around for other plans and networks, perhaps prepaid or an iPhone which can use the WiFi network in my building to place VOIP calls needed during the day. The problem is there are no plans close to what YB and I currently have that are anywhere near as cheap as what we are paying and prepaid is a joke. We text more than we talk and never come close to using our monthly minutes. Prepaid access fees and per minute rates make it more like calling long distance from your home phone in the 1980's. After taxes and fees the closest comparable plan on Verizon (which is still the cheapest as far as I can tell) would be close to $130. I wish it was possible to port your cell number to an iPod or iPad with 3G capability because then you could make and receive calls with the Skype-like options out there without having to let everyone know your number is different. Plus you could save a bundle of money because the 3G data access would only occur when you're not in WiFi network which, for most of us, isn't that often anymore.

I hate getting scammed with texting plans, taxes and fees. It's like the cell phone companies don't realize just how much they're gouging their customers.

YB says

Today's article was extremely Christian and politically incorrect. Well, after all those liberal readers leaving me for attacking prostitution advocates, I just decide to be myself instead of worrying about all these liberals.

I feel much relieved from the pressure of being politically correct. I am not trying to offend them. I am just being myself, and they get offended. And, that's not my problem.

Oh, I also quit writing for that liberal human trafficking organization. Despite that they offer NO INCENTIVES for me in return of my service at free of charge, they do not appreciate my work. They rather get annoyed by what I say on the writings, so they have been irritating me in so many different ways in terms of contents. I don't have time for them. Nor do they offer me anything in return to deserve my attention. Further, if i am doing this for God, people are gonna read them through my own site. Besides, they really don't want to hear what I have to say. So, I dropped them.

I've never thought that I was gonna be provoking other people's "FEELINGS" in anyways. I always wanted to be a peace loving, diplomatic, well rounded individual. But, no matter how hard I try, they get offended by what I say. So, I decide to stop caring.

JD says...

It's interesting being newly married at the age of 30 and 31. YB and I decided to keep the apartment I've lived in for the past couple years. It's small, she deserves better, but she says it's cozy and doesn't mind the closeness; a fact which is still hard for me to believe because, as a guy, I should be giving her way more than I have.

Anyway, since I moved in to my second floor apartment between two other units and above the one below (it's only a two story building) I've had, and now YB is sharing in, some very interesting neighbors. The older lady on side of me and the grandma kiddy corner below are very quiet. They've both lived here longer than I, the grandma longer than older lady I think. The most I hear from the the older lady is her trip down the stairs in the morning on her way to work and turning on her shower or flushing her toilet. I never hear from the grandma, at least when she's in her apartment. But sometimes we chat a bit when our paths cross on our way in or out. She's also famous for smoking outside her door (my complex has private entrances to each unit) and talking on her cell phone with the spearkerphone going. My other neighbors are a different story.

The other kiddy corner lower neighbor (since moved out) had a son who liked to have gamer parties with fairly loud volume. It didn't bother me too often because of the two apartments the sound had to go through to get to mine. There have been two sets of residents in the unit next to me that I can remember. The first set consisted of just a guy who later got married. That couple decided to put their bed right next to the wall where I slept so I was privy to whenever they decided to take part in extracurricular activity. They weren't very loud, but that was about the time I started sleeping with a fan on to drown out any noise I didn't want to hear. They've since moved to Texas I believe and were replaced a time later by a guy who likes to smoke cigars, his wife, and, from YB says, their kids. I think I may have seen the kids a few times but not enough to actually believe they are their kids. They are the gamers now, probably have a Wii...and fans of American Idol. Their volume isn't terrible, but loud enough that I can tell what they're listening too.

I've had three neighbors in the unit below me (four if you count the one who moved out days before I moved in). The first was a middle eastern looking guy with his wife and two kids. He drove a taxi and didn't talk much. I said hi to him once or twice. I hardly ever saw his wife or kids (one of them just stared at me when I said hi the night they were moving in), but they moved out after a little while leaving him behind. I don't know how long it was before he moved, but I can remember it was sudden. After that the unit was empty for a long time until a couple from Pittsburgh moved in (they were Steelers fans and I think had PA license plates when they first moved in). They were fairly quiet, and newly weds, and moved out after a short stay.

Now there's a new resident downstairs. I don't know if it's a man or woman, though I suspect woman from the contents left in the car. Whoever it is has an affinity for nailing stuff to the wall around 11pm and has one or two large, very loud dogs that bark at everything and everyone. I'm hoping the dogs get used to the people walking to and from their cars, and the strumming of my guitar that they can hear through the floor. They are by far the loudest of the resident neighbors to date, or at least consistently the loudest.

Once on a visit before I was married my dad made the remark that my apartment complex is a blue collar worker's place. It's very true. It's a ghost town here during the day. But to YB and I it's home for now, small and cozy, filled with character that'll hopefully make for good memories down the road when we reminisce with each other, "Remember our first apartment?"...

...barking dogs and all.